By Gary Craig

Don’t you just love these actors at The Academy Awards? They get up there, and they start to bumble and fumble and can’t seem to put a sentence together. They’re reading off a teleprompter.

Why do they need a teleprompter? These are the same people that memorize pages and pages and pages of dialogue when they’re shooting a film, and they get to the Oscars, and they have maybe four to six sentences to speak, and they can’t memorize them? This is what they do for a living!

Here’s what we do. You take that giant, decadent, and completely unnecessary gift bags away from anyone that can’t deliver his or her presenting speech in a completely professional way. You nail it, you get the bag. You start stuttering and blow it, you get squat.

Oh, and get rid of the teleprompter.

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