Christine + Salt's Solutions To The No Plastic Bag Problem

August 21, 2019

Going to the grocery store is a nightmare now, because you have to have not only your pocketbook and your coupons and your kids, but now you have to bring your own BAG.

It's a pain in the ass, and we figure everyone is going to the store and forgetting their bags because this whole thing about not using plastic bags is new for us in Connecticut. So we came up with some solutions to the bag problem, and we wanted to share them with you. 

1. Just Stuff It All In Your Pockets

Cargo shorts are amazing for this. 

2. Carry a Diaper Bag With You

Salt and his wife have been doing this for their newborn, but even if you don't have an infant, get a diaper bag anyway. Who knows when it might come in handy?

3. Wear a Bra That's Three Sizes Too Big

Even if you're a guy. Gender is fluid anyway! 

4. Get a Beehive Hairdo

Do it Marge Simpson style, with enough hair that you can just start sticking stuff in there.

5. Bring Back Parachute Pants 

Those M.C. Hammer pants had tons of room in the crothch... just add a little shelf to the inseam, so you can store everything under there.

6. Wear a Fanny Pack

Don't joke-- they're actually a thing. What about Kangaroo sneakers, with a little pocket in the side?

7. BYOSC

That's "Bring Your Own Shopping Cart." Maybe we can design one that folds up and goes right in the car.

8. Use Your Kids' Wagon

How about this? Just leave your kids in the car and take their wagon to fill with stuff you buy.

9. Have Your Own Manservant

Take a page from Billy Zane in Titanic, and have your own personal butler.

10. Bring a Hobo Sack

You know, the red kerchief on a stick like Tom Sawyer had? If you bring one of those you might make money, because when you walk out of the store chances are somebody is gonna throw you a buck or two because they think you're homeless. 

11. Wear a Snuggie

Instead of a sweatshirt, rock a Snuggie in public. Tie it off in the front and fill it like a kangaroo pouch.

12. Make Your Husband/ Wife Carry Everything

What's a spouse for if not to share your life experience? And while you're focused on shopping, make them lug everything around. They've got arms for a reason!

All it takes is a little creativity and we'll get out of this plastic bag nightmare!

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